Shakespeare at Bowl

Someone, god bless their soul, decided to rewrite all of The Big Lebowski as a Shakespearean play with fantastic results -

On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.

It's a veritable treasure trove of possible Facebook status updates sure to amuse and confuse.